Double Coupon Day

Argo sliced peaches

2011-10-05T16:49:00.004-04:00

Since the last product I posted featured packaging that clashed with the blog, I'm now posting a can that fits right into the color scheme.

Another massive representation of the ballsy Argo line - I featured the Argo can of peas in an early post. Again, for less than a dollar you get an ample amount of a classic side dish, wrapped in steakhouse brown.

But notice something special here with the peaches - a detail that lets you know that the Argo company's balls hang low to the ground in all four seasons: Right on the front of the package we learn that these are "IRREGULAR PIECES" of "Yellow Cling."

Telling it like it is. The last time I bought something marked "IRREGULAR," I was standing in a Marshalls, it was 1986 and I had a total of $7.00 to my name. It's now 2011, and though many things have happened, not much has changed.

Rudy's World Famous Pork Rinds

2011-07-04T00:26:00.004-04:00

My wife brought this home from Big Lots - worth posting for obvious reasons. The really striking thing to me is how much the color of this bag clashes with the color scheme of this blog.

Fisherman's Net

2011-04-08T15:37:00.006-04:00

Found this great can of sardines at the BIG BEAR grocery store on S. Candler Road in Decatur. It's the only place I've encountered this brand. Apparently there is no more domestic U.S. production of sardines for canning - you'll notice that this was "packed for" a company in Massachusetts, but the stamp at the top says "Product of Canada."

You'll also notice that these fish are good until 2015 - I couldn't wait that long, and ate them in 2011. They were good! I would definitely buy this kind again - very firm and flavorful fish, what I want in a good can.

The Unseen Man

2010-12-08T23:44:00.003-05:00

Here's a taut bit of Existential Country for you. This is the story of the dust, from the wind - whom you don't see, so much as slightly avoid. Similar themes to Ralph Ellison's and H.G. Wells's INVISIBLE MAN, yet without the racial or science fictional elements. Here is just a man who is so redundant, so usual and unnecessary that you barely notice him. Sad as hell.

I haven't been able to find out much about Bob Garmon - is he the Unseen Man?

His BMI writer profile contains some intriguing titles I'd like to hear:
"Bummin' In A Big Wide World"
"My Private World"
"Reflections Of A Fool"

There is a hot little number called "I'm A-Ready Baby" under the "Bob Garmon & His Studio Combo" name on a 45 on little-known Amber records. This is an earlier number that Rockabilly hounds have comped and YouTubed:

Billy Carter song alert

2010-11-12T01:20:00.006-05:00

Thanks to my friend Geoff for hipping me to this very special post on the WFMU Blog:

Billy Beer Drinkin' Fan

Greg G. Listener has rescued three Billy Carter novelty songs that I did not even know existed, so kudos to him. The song "Beer Drinking Billy" by Bill Gibbs has one of the best captured sounds of the opening of a beer can on record.

Maroon polo shirt - Do I look like I work at Burger King?

2010-10-24T23:27:00.003-04:00

Having bought a handful of sale store-brand polos in a variety of colors, I only recently ventured outside of the house in the Maroon Polo.

It's a nice feeling shirt, and the color is pleasing.

The only problem is, I feel like I'm on my way to work at Burger King.

What the hell.

You might say I should put more effort into it and find just the right form-fitted maroon polo shirt. Store brand shirts fit like trash bags.

But if I wore the fitted, I would simply feel like the Burger King Manager.

Dee Edwards "Why Can't There Be Love"

2010-09-13T01:05:00.000-04:00

This song rocks my world!

The YouTube host breadmaker99, godblessum, says "I can't get my head around the guitar."

My friend, that's because you need to get your mind IN the guitar.

DEE EDWARDS. Dennis Coffey!

On the Tube as: "Northern Soul - Strange 70s Brilliance - Dee Edwards"

Uncle William

2010-08-12T01:02:00.006-04:00

In these times and days any can for less than a dollar is a bargain. This was another Big Lots find ... 55 cents.

Honking hunk of fatback doesn't even give vegetarians a chance.

For some reason this one reminds me of Canada. And not just because their country's name begins with "can".

These original baked beans are ones you might find for sale at fish camps, up just past where the roads end.

Who is Uncle William?

This ... right here ... is my ... pretty boy swag

2010-08-10T22:23:00.004-04:00

Ey!

Where have I been?

The blog has been quiet while we had a son! Thank t'law he is BOUNCING.

The can of Double Luck Cut Green Beans has served us well. It's been quite a couple months.

Coming soon: more cans and records.

Coming up in a bit: a mind-blowing set of records for Round 2 of Jimmy and Billy Carter novelty records.

As for today, this is about what I'm good for:

Double Luck

2010-06-24T23:25:00.004-04:00

35 cents at Big Lots.

Pardner in the park

2010-05-30T20:46:00.006-04:00

Yesterday my band Pardner played in the park in Cabbagetown.
It was a semi-private event so don't get your feelings hurt if you didn't know about it. We was good times filling up the neighborhood with some of the Pard-boogie!

Here's the song "Boat Dock Bar Dishwasher" straight from the grass:

Woman with parrot perched on face arrested after throwing inhaler

2010-04-20T23:37:00.004-04:00

Dayton Daily News, Dayton, OH
www.daytondailynews.com

By Ryan Gauthier, Staff Writer Updated 2:54 PM Tuesday, April 20, 2010

MIDDLETOWN — A 49-year-old woman was arrested as police claim she nearly struck an officer with a thrown inhaler.

Janice McCoy-Nuttle, of the 900 block of Beech Street, was laying in a bed surrounded by as many as seven Chihuahaus and 10 cages filled with birds.

Police report a white parrot was standing on her forehead at the time, biting her face, while another smaller bird was perched on her chest. She was reportedly intoxicated to the point where she could not stand up and speak to officers and was unable to remove the bird from her face.

Police were dispatched to the residence for a reported domestic disturbance between McCoy-Nuttle, her husband and some neighbors. The couple had reportedly been out celebrating the husband's homecoming after a four-month stint away from home for work.

Officers spoke with her husband, who appeared to be bleeding from the ear at the time. He gave officers several conflicting stories regarding his injury, ranging from McCoy-Nuttle pulling on his ear to injuring it while he was getting out of a vehicle.

McCoy-Nuttle became upset with her husband at some point and attempted to throw an inhaler at him, nearly striking an officer in the process, police said. She was arrested for disorderly conduct and taken to the Middletown City Jail, where police report she was increasingly uncooperative and threatened to kill herself.

My Gal's Outa Her Tree Again

2010-03-19T00:45:00.003-04:00

Another cool one from the Kudzu pile.

50 cents!

Kind of a silly song, but some strong secondary impressions:

1. "Johnny Selph" sounds like an early 80s TV drama punk rocker.
2. The KAM label design is very cool.
3. I like the spelling of "Outa"
4. This is the only country record I own outa Orlando.

Gentlemen Be Seated

2010-03-10T22:13:00.000-05:00

If the "People Hater" didn't make you feel like a misanthrope, here's a song that will really make you hate people.

I like this song because it's a classic spoken word country tearjerk suspense play, but presents a situation so awkward and unexpected that you'll gently slap your forehead and say "Damn, I didn't know there was a song about that."

I hate this song because it's crass and callous, and predicts a C-level reality show premise. It's heartbreak heaped upon pathos heaped upon piggishness.

The story is this: narrator calls together three men to announce the impending burial of Juanita, a woman to whom each of the men had been married. It is implied that each man cheated on and left Juanita in turn, and that somehow led to her untimely death. "So Gentlemen, be seated." There will be no flowers for her grave, nor funeral mourners unless the four men join together in their guilt and go (as a group?).

My question to the narrator: What makes you so sure Juanita wants to see any of you jackasses?

Also I like literally visualizing the title command. By the third time he says "Gentlemen, be seated," I picture the three other guys just kind of shifting around on their feet and scratching the backs of their heads but not wanting to sit down for this ill-advised pity party.

Finally, after he apparently gets them seated and buys them a round, narrator says "gentlemen, set down your drinks and come with me." At this point I picture the hawk faced and whisky-stiff narrator leading the way, two embarrassed guys shuffling behind, just because it seems like they should do the right thing. And then the fourth guy stays seated at the bar, arms crossed like "hell no, I ain't goin' to that bitch's funeral." Maybe I should write an answer song as one of the "Gentlemen"?

The backup band sounds hypnotic and great on this record.

To read about Neal Merritt see the page on Hillbilly-Music.com, where you will find out more about his prolific songwriting career including his biggest hit, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose".

Chicken Wing Robbery

2010-02-25T01:49:00.000-05:00

The Associated Press

COLUMBUS, Ga. — Police in Georgia are searching for a pair of hungry bandits who stole an order of chicken wings from a pizza delivery driver.

Columbus Police say the 19-year-old Domino's driver was approached outside a home Tuesday night by two men who asked for money. One of the men pointed a chrome pistol.

Police say one of the men then said, "give me the wings." They fled the scene with the $36 order.

No cash was taken and the driver was not injured.

___

Information from: Columbus Ledger-Enquirer, http://www.ledger-enquirer.com

The People Hater

2010-02-16T23:47:00.000-05:00

This is why we do it! This is why we look for the records.

I picked this one up for 50 cents. The guy with the best booth at Kudzu Antiques put out a couple boxes of rinked oddball 45s, and this was in there.

I hate people. I hate people.

The arresting and discordant breakdown puts this song decades ahead of its time. Apparently released in 1959, Brad and Jerry's tune sounds to me like Chuck Berry style fun. But that breakdown! This is just too early to be punk, even in the old sense of garage punk. This is not a movement, this is lunacy and honesty.

Shad Records is part of a group of small early rock'n'roll labels run by one Bob Shad. This song and many others are available on the compilation Rockin' On Broadway: The Time, Brent, Shad, Story released on the UK Ace label and available from Amazon.

Right now there is only one user review on Amazon - and I think the person has a really low opinion of The People Hater:

"This collection of 30 tunes from these labels contains the hits, the near misses and some sides that make one think studio time and tape must have been way too cheap. ... More could have or should have been hits, like the Jades' "So Blue". Then there are the sides like "Bury The Hatchet" and "The People Hater" that beg the question "Whaaaa?"."

I am going to get this compilation and see what's Whaaaa. Who could turn their nose up at such exciting music?! I hate people.

We Finally Saw Willie Nelson

2010-01-30T23:55:00.000-05:00

What forces conspire against a band and its fans?

Some of you who know me know that I wanted to see Willie. Got cursed once, and we drove all the way from Chicago to Ft. Wayne, Indiana with sweet tickets in hand, only to find the show was canceled.

Well, we got to see Willie in Rome, Georgia last night at The Forum!
Bad weather ,Willie's hand, and the law threatened to continue the curse, but our luck was all good. They canceled the show before ours, but they made it to Rome and played.
We drove through the rain. The bleacher seats we found to be inhumane:

The tickets I bought said "Bleacher Section," but I didn't realize they were literally bleacher seats, the kind you can collapse into the wall. These seats would only be comfortable for elementary school students, but here they were selling them to Willie's older, larger fans. You can't even sit straight in the seat without your knees pressing into the person's back in front of you. And it was like something out of a movie, the guy in front of us was a 300-pound biker type with a Harley Davidson t-shirt and a long braid. Didn't seem like a good idea to knee him in the back!

So we retreated to the nosebleeds, where we could max and relax in the relative luxury of the bucket seats, shoes off.

Willie Nelson sounded great. He can still sing and play clear as a bell, even coming out of a cold January rain.

The band was small, no full drum set, only a snare with brushes. Willie's vocal phrasing was like a snake in a bag. The backup band had to duck or jump a few times to catch a verse. He sang all the hits, including "Me and Paul," one of my favorite songs. We enjoyed a moment during his beautiful rendition of "You Were Always On My Mind," and for that moment it felt as if the circle would be unbroken, by and by.

A review of the forces that conspired to spook the horses:

The hand: Lucas Nelson (Willie's son) opened the show. He was sort of like Young Willie mixed with Stevie Ray Vaughan. He was actually pretty damn good.

On the day of the show, the Rome News-Tribune "printed" an article entitled, "Forum manager: Despite band's legal trouble, Willie Nelson show still on." The Rome News-Tribune points us to the Jacksonville News site, reporting that on Thursday, January 28, members of Willie's tour band were busted in Jacksonville, North Carolina for moonshine and marijuana.

On the day of the show, following these news reports about the band bust, Lucas Nelson posted a message on www.willienelson.com that focused instead on Willie's hand:
"We have just cancelled tonight’s performance in Kenansville, NC. Dad’s hand ( the one he had the carpel tunnel operation on) was in pain, too much to play his guitar Trigger. Doctors say to just give it a rest. He is going to try and finish the tour ( tomorrow night Rome, Georgia and then Asheville, NC) before taking it on home to Texas for ten days."

I will tell you that they made it to the stage in Rome! Both Lucas and Willie's hands were in sterling shape as they rang out notes to the rafters. Fate smiled.

The law: Here is the bust according to the Jacksonville News:
"N.C. Alcohol Law Enforcement agents from Wilmington confiscated moonshine and small amounts of marijuana from members of the band who were in a van outside the events center. Band members were cited with a misdemeanor charges of marijuana possession, said District Attorney Dewey Hudson, who was at the concert."

At the merchandise table in Rome, bandanas were $15 and t-shirts were $35. One t-shirt featured a large marijuana leaf and the insignia "WILLIE NELSON: FIRST AID".

The bad weather: Rome News-Tribune reported warnings: "Rome and Floyd County public safety officials and road crews were watching the skies nervously late Friday night as a winter weather system was making its way across the state."

They were watching the skies nervously.

As soon as they said that I pictured an old line drawing of some Nervous Norvus type with shake-lines radiating off of his shoulders. I wonder how these public safety officials would feel about being called "nervous."

In any case, the worst of the Winter storm held off for all of Friday night, and we, Willie, and the many minions went our merry ways.

2 for 89 cents

2010-01-08T23:15:00.000-05:00

We need to get a new camera.

I had a hard time getting a good close up of this - the can is reflective under bright lights and flashes, and the sale sticker is such a bright orange. I did some tricks to get this one. I hope you will authenticate this as proof that I did get two cans of hot fish for eighty-nine cents.

THAT'S 44 1/2 CENTS PER CAN.

Bargain fuel for your ice-walking, recommended.

.

Hot Fish

2010-01-02T01:03:00.000-05:00

Coming at you.

Happy New Year!

Here is a can of little fish steaks so hot, they will blow your mind. Sold in an ordinary retail package as containing "Louisiana Hot Sauce," these little steaks are actually packed in a sauce infused with the most aggressive peppers. Before the slow burn of Cayenne comes: Lip Peppers. An arresting way to wake up your proteins.
. . . . .
. . . .
. . .
. .
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Dunk 'n Dine

2009-12-05T19:45:00.000-05:00

Here's a random photo from the pile that has gotten cooler with age. Dunk 'n Dine in downtown Atlanta, circa 1990. I'm pretty sure the Dunk 'n Dine chain is no more. The one on Cheshire Bridge road lasted the longest, and became too self-aware to be a real diner any more. In this photo - I was just thinking that $6.95 seems a little steep for a plate of diner shrimp in 1990, no?

Peanut Pie In The Sky

2009-11-28T23:19:00.000-05:00

As this Thanksgiving pie-time wanes, so must Part 1 of the Jimmy Carter novelty song project come to a close. And "Peanut Pie In The Sky" is the perfect song, crass and depressing, to go out on.

It's 1980. Carter is losing. Such awkward phrasing, this "trying hard to stay inside" hook. No funky ad hoc novelty band name here. (Just a list of four theater majors with a jug of chardonnay and a contract from a morning zoo crew to make a Carter-is-losing song?) The label tells us that this is from an album called "The Last Of The First Family." Scared/Interested.

The drum machine signals an entry into the cold inverse-Kremlin Reagan era.

President names hold weight.

I hope to run a Part II of the Jimmy Carter song feature in the future - there are more out there! Until then, I will get back to the original blog plan of small groceries and lost songs of all types.

Enjoy Kurt Kilpatrick, Marilyn Eastman, Teri Rini, Karl Hardman:

Update: just found out that Karl Hardman produced the original Night of the Living Dead film in 1968, and starred in the film along with Marilyn Eastman as the bickering older couple whose daughter was catatonic after being bitten by a zombie!

From Peanuts to President

2009-11-08T19:55:00.000-05:00

You thought I was done...Nope. Two more stunners before I am through with the Jimmy Carter novelty record project.

Today's entry is the kind of real-deal recording that will bring tears to the eyes of perfectionists and Plains residents alike.

This is an ultra-obscure (autographed!) record by Max Culler, written by Gail Davis. I'm not sure where this is from (BMI gives the current address for Rusty York publishing in Greensburg, Indiana), but it will sure make you feel good about "the great state of Georgia".

The only Gail Davis I can find with any creative credentials is the one who portrayed Annie Oakley on TV in the 1950s. Wikipedia says she lived until 1997. Might she have been struck with populist Carter pride in 1976, and written this song? The flip side, "The Hurt Is Slowly Going Away" is also sung by Max Culler and written by Gail Davis.

OUR COUNTRY'S PRESIDENTIAL RACE...YOU GUESSED IT, JIMMY WON:

Redneck Power, the book

2009-10-14T21:32:00.000-04:00

Does somebody have a copy of this I can borrow?

The Ballad of Billy Carter

2009-10-11T23:31:00.000-04:00

I've been going easy on you-all so far. Now it is time we get stuck in the deep stuff. As the Billy World Turns. Your stern must be made of stiff stuff to plow into these waters. It's the Ballad of Billy Carter!

The pain in Plains is dulled by the Grain.

Peanuts...oh oh oh oh, Peanuts. Doodle doodle doo!

Yeah, that'd be FRED SMERDLEY & THE DIXIE PIXIES.

Eatin' Peanuts & Drinkin' Billy Beer

2009-10-04T21:14:00.001-04:00

The Jimmy Carter Time! train rolls on...

When we talk about artists who have never gotten their due, we usually mean artists whose releases failed to capture an audience. On this record, Bobby Mann did not get his due from the outset, as his name is not even on the cover of the record.

Harkus 'Pig' Robbins and Hank Williams produced...not that Hank Williams.

In this song, Jimmy and Billy Carter serve as mere signposts to the narrator's divorce, letting us know that it must have occurred some time in the late 70s. The Carter presidency provides a rare opportunity for a sad-sack character to drown his sorrows country-style, while still maintaining a presidential flair.

Two '76 Debate cut-in records

2009-09-26T01:24:00.000-04:00

Here are two shockingly raw cut-ins from before the 1976 election. The great thing here is that, unlike all the later novelty records, the word "peanut" only gets mentioned once! (Listen for the Henry Kissinger character.) One early Jimmy Carter media scandal at play here is his apparent admission in a Playboy interview that he "lusted after hundreds of women."

At this point the Iranians had not yet taken American hostages, and nobody knew about Billy.

In case you don't know what a cut-in record is, it's when the DJ pretends to have an interview with a famous figure, whose answers are all given in the form of audio samples of lines from hit songs.

Bonus points: Name the songs that appear in BOTH of these cut-ins! There are at least three.

Road Hog And The Neon Cactus
"The Presidential Debate"

What a great band name! You wish it was a lost psychedelic masterpiece.

You'll notice this "song" was "written" by Don Imus. All these popular song samples? This thing is a copyright nightmare. Perhaps the only thing that could save them is the de minimis doctrine ("we only used a tiny bit!"). And you can't spell "Don Imus" without "De Minimis".

If you want to really go wild, play them both at the same time!

Super Stu / Allen Dennis & The Disco Turkeys
"The Great Debate"

Band name: they should've just dropped "Allen Dennis" and gone with SUPER STU & THE DISCO TURKEYS.

If A Peanut Farmer Can Do It (So Can I)

2009-09-23T00:13:00.001-04:00

Saved the best for first! I hesitate to call this a 'novelty record' because it really works as a spiritual, dually on the mind and body.

Ed Townsend passed away in '03. He was a music industry veteran, with a solid career of solo and collaboration projects from the mid-50s to the late 70s. Townsend had a proto-disco solo Lp called Now on Chicago's Curtom Records in 1976. His main claim to fame was close participation in writing and arranging with Marvin Gaye on the Let's Get It On Lp.

"If A Peanut Farmer Can Do It" is a musical cousin to "Let's Get it On", but takes us to a righteous place where we recognize reward for the common man's perseverance. Still, you almost expect to hear the line, "We're all sensitive people...with so much to give."

Right now some folks in Georgia have been flooded out by the Eight Days of Rain, and this is the kind of uplifting message we should send to them.

This 45 looks as if it was pressed at the same plant as "Truck Drivers Don't Eat Duck"

But all I want you to do is look back over nineteen seventy-sixxxxxxx...

...and Billy Carter Time too.

2009-09-20T23:38:00.000-04:00

In focusing on pop culture responses to the Carter presidency, you just can't leave out Billy. He gave us so much to work with, Georgia style. Billy left us for a higher plane back in 1988. But we will celebrate Brother Carter's memory in novelty song.

Here he was in better years selling his beer:

It's Jimmy Carter Time!

2009-09-20T00:40:00.000-04:00

Get ready.

This goes out to all you hard workers, travelers, pleasers, and boozers.

It's Jimmy Carter Time. I will post as many Jimmy Carter related novelty records as I can find. Just a warning: get your ears on straight. A majority of the country has been trained to hate on Jimmy since at least late 1980. But an undercurrent of love remains. I will show the records of love and hate. Tim Tuten of the Hideout, if you are out there, I would like you to write a testimonial about President Carter.

Mitchell's Shoe Peg

2009-09-10T01:19:00.000-04:00

A classic can of corn.

I will say that I object to the inclusion of "sugar" in the ingredients. If the corn is of enough quality, no sugar is necessary.

Too Late To Make A Will

2009-09-03T00:20:00.000-04:00

I'm getting up early a couple days a week to go to a Trusts & Estates class where we will talk a lot about wills.

Here's a sad song about the perception of diminished testamentary capacity. This is another little Mississippi record. The man singing the song sounds absolutely lucid ... but is that really his voice singing, or are we hearing his inner voice? Like in a Johnny's Got His Gun situation? His body reduced to rubber and string.

The children, just in the next room, rudely argue over the old man's estate, disputing share percentages. Tommy wishes to have immediate access to the estate.

"Through these veins cold water flows."

The band, recorded in an iron lung down the hall, performs the duty of playing sounds while the man is singing.

BARNEY HUGHES

...the sticker

2009-08-29T23:54:00.000-04:00

Life moves fast. My blog moves slow.

A guy over on waxidermy just scored "Truck Drivers Don't Eat Duck" with a sticker. I'm impressed. Thinking of options - places that sticker would look really good.

Rather than spending the time or money to seek out the sticker, I'm considering just getting the words "Truck Drivers Don't Eat Duck" printed on novelty business cards - the kind you can't tear in half. A sure conversation piece at the counter of a Flying J diner near you.

Truck Drivers Don't Eat Duck

2009-08-20T22:14:00.000-04:00

This is a peculiar novelty on the theme of truckers keeping it real. First, consider: when was the last time you were offered "Duck Under Glass"? Second: I don't think this is the same Ray Parker that sang "Ghostbusters" or "A Woman Needs Love". This Ray Parker sounds kind of like the Cleveland character from Family Guy. (He's about to get his own spinoff show.)

The banjo patterns push this song along, suggesting a steady roll on a sunny midwestern highway. The key changes are idiosyncratic, but the lead guitarist makes taste, not waste, when finessing the leaps. The on-cue backup singer zombie ladies somehow legitimize the whole project.

I like how this particular tune is on Rush Street Records. I think if you were driving an 18-wheeler thru Chicago, Rush Street and the Mag Mile is the very last place you would park your rig and look for a diner.

Imagine a techno remix with the Aflac duck shredding.

May You Rest In Peace

2009-08-15T22:23:00.000-04:00

In keeping with the bones-in-a-hole theme, here is a song a wife sings to her still living but effectively dead husband: "For here lies a man who wanted nothing but to watch TV."

A piney plea from the middle of a miserable marriage, the song relates a woman's attempts to use special effects, such as lingerie or wine, to rekindle lost flames of passion.

The thing is, Liz sounds a little ... burly here. If not burly, then thick of neck, wiry and tough. Alright, she sounds kind of like a dude.

The 25 cent price tag is damn near welded on to the label, I couldn't get it off. Under that it says "api" - the full name of the record label is api ATTEIRAM. You'll notice that "atteiram" is the word Marietta, backwards. And that's pretty much what this record is, a backwards masked married-with-children Marietta chick shoveling woo.

The Atteiram label is known mostly for Bluegrass releases. The label was later sold to that voracious and prolific Nashville reissue record monster, Gusto / Starday.

Enough talk.

Liz, tell em what you did:

The Hole That Holds The Bones

2009-08-05T12:01:00.000-04:00

Here's a lost song that may really test your mettle. Fight your way to the end to hear the microphone-shattering Elvis-in-Vegas style climactic apex. Diaphragm!

This sounds like it could be a Song Poem, but Phil Milstein's fabulous Song Poem Archives site yields no info on the label, singer, or song. The whole shebang appears to be ungoogleable. I did find one record dealer offering a copy for $3.

Who is this Simon Smith, who sings like the best male singer in your suburban church choir? A week spent at his grueling engineering job results in some oddities in diction and phrasing, but on Sunday he really lets it fly. (just my imagination)

Also you'll notice the song uses the outdated and questionable device of telling you what the "yellow man" and the "red man" have done. Still, I am proud of my purchase. With a title like this, would you have left it in the store?

My New Hero

2009-07-25T22:58:00.000-04:00

CNN and others are reporting that a retiring Army Colonel, Henry Moak, opened and ate a Vietnam War-era army ration can of pound cake at his retirement ceremony.

A 36 year old Can of Pound Cake.

WITH A CEREMONIAL SWORD.

"To most people's surprise, the opened can revealed a still-edible yellow cake. The ceremonial sword used to cut Moak's real retirement cake was also used to dig into the can and cut out the cake.

Moak took a bite and put up his thumb, "It's good, it's still kind of moist," he declared."

Already having served his country until retirement, Col. Moak took things to another level here. I am not a scientist, so I don't understand how any product with eggs in it wouldn't be deadly 36 years later. What happens inside a can that is properly sealed for the battlefield? Apparently time stands still, is what happens.

When I was a kid, in the early 80s I went through an "army phase" - I had old army clothes and toy machine guns, and liked to run around in the woods pretending. Once, my mom took me by Brock's Army Surplus and I bought a set of rations, which included pork-n-beans and pound cake. They were good then, but they may have been less than ten years old then. And I never ended up joining the Army.

Can you say that you've ever eaten an antique?

Laughing & Smiling

2009-07-18T11:08:00.000-04:00

It takes a tough man to make a tender love song. A man tough as nails. Perhaps even a man named M.H. NAIL. This record represents where I want to be when I am as old as this guy sounds - fronting a small, liquid country band in Mississippi, singing songs about my wife. The American dream, writ large, and shakily. One of my favorite records:

Beans & Franks

2009-07-13T00:39:00.000-04:00

73 cents at Wal Mart. This is the budget brand there, comparing to Van Camps Beenie Weenies, which are running around 90 cents right now.

I think these prices are kind of high.

These are not really "Franks." The Frankenfurters title should be reserved for an upper tier of shaped meat. What's in these and in beenie weenies is really slices of Vienna Sausage, those tubes of pale death in a can.

I also got some low-fat Vienna Sausage. 43 cents. It's for research: I'm working on a song called "He Was A Weenie From Vienna, She Was A Carolina Cracker." Not really.

The Phillips can puts me on a Greyhound Bus in a new pair of shoes:

When the pestilence and tribulation times come, I will fuel myself with such cans of Beans & Franks as this. Then I will fight off the marauders and the six-foot flesh-eating caterpillars. I always keep at least one can of beans & weiners in the trunk of my car.

Funky Grasshopper

2009-07-08T23:16:00.001-04:00

Continuing with the BUG theme, here is a dance routine that will knock your socks off. You will jump so much, you won't know what hit you. I have a special relationship with Grasshopper themed dances. Also, the word "grasshopper" is an effective mantra. I say it thousands of times to myself every day.

The "Bug" in this song is also represented by a sound effect - in this case what sounds like a de-tuned E string on an old guitar with a primitive whammy bar. The guitar track in this song should be an inspiration to excitable, tone-deaf amateur guitarists everywhere. You don't need to be even in the neighborhood of In Tune, and you too can do the Funky Grasshopper. "Do the handle high."

If you have three hours and want to know everything in the world about Hugh Boynton and this record, see Soul Detective's amazing research. The most interesting thing is that this record was apparently either recorded at Capricorn Studios in Macon, Georgia, or at Muscle Shoals in Alabama, by recording new vocals and a rough mix over somebody else's song that was already released as a single!

The Funky Grasshopper! We're doin' it.

"The Bug" That Made History

2009-07-03T22:47:00.000-04:00

A little challenge: look at this record label and guess what this song is about before you listen to it. "The Bug" That Made History (1977):

Now listen to the song and see if you were right:

(If you want to know what I thought it was going to be about, look in the Comments!)

This 45 appears to be the work of an ambitious husband-wife team:

Featured singer: Mary Ann Walker
Record label: The Walker
Songwriter: Myran Walker
Publisher: Myann Walker

I hope they didn't blame each other when this failed to become a hit! Maybe it was just for fun - sounds like they had a good time recording it. The family that records novelty songs together, STAYS TOGETHER.
Check out those analog synth squiggles that are supposed to represent "The Bug".

The incredible Sonovox

2009-07-03T10:26:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my friend Mark for telling me about the Sonovox - that's the instrument he thinks is at the beginning of "Night Lover" (posted previously). The Sonovox is kind of a precursor to the talk box tube (Pete Drake "Forever", Frampton Comes Alive, etc.). This video clip is from the end of a 1940 comedy called "You'll Find Out."

I try to avoid unnecessary hyperbole in speech and writing, but...

THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO I'VE EVER SEEN. (don't miss the little dog!)

Mark also recommended a few other cool Sonovox videos, see his comment in the "Night Lover" thread.

Bargain Day, Half Off

2009-07-01T16:51:00.000-04:00

Double Coupon Day back from vacation with a humorous topical number - we're going out of business, selling out at cost. It's a bargain day and everything's half off!

The Carlisles is Bill Carlisle's group from the 50s. He was a jumping, grand ole opry shucking and jiving, double-entendre novelty song writing fool. There's only one joke here, but somehow it don't get old. It's all in the timing.

Update: Thanks to Anonymous for figuring out that he says "men's long handles," referring to a union suit. (The butt flap is half off?)

Cub Foods - Bin Ladin connection?

2009-06-24T16:30:00.000-04:00

I just got my haircut at Supercuts and the hairdresser lady and I got to talking about grocery stores. She claims that Cub Foods closed down soon after 9/11 because "Osama Bin Ladin was a major stockholder." He issued a general threat about wrecking the economy and devaluing U.S. currency, and within the week, Cub Foods employees showed up to work to find the stores shuttered with no notice.

Anyone know anything more?

A quick look at the Cub Foods wiki only reveals a string of dull-sounding mergers and acquisitions reports involving parent companies SuperValu, Albertsons, and Cerberus Capital Management, revealing only, for example, that some Cub stores were "divested ... to avoid market concentration issues."

Folks miss Cub Foods for their noticeably cheaper prices, especially for major purchases common to large families or folks who get paid once a month.

For me personally, Cub was okay for some things, but I of course much prefer the old-style small groceries. Some of the Cub stores were so damn big that you could get exhausted. You'd get a workout when you realized you forgot a produce item but you were already all the way over in the beer aisle, in another zip code. I wonder if they used re-tread tires on their shopping carts?

Detroit ugly, Detroit beauty

2009-06-22T13:24:00.000-04:00

My sister and I share a fascination with Detroit. The city's woes have exposed the rundown and the wrong, laying bare a failure of the industrial organization of life. On the other hand, holes and problems necessitate solutions. Necessity is the mother of invention. Many real people still live in Detroit, persevering in spite of citywide setbacks.

Two interesting articles last week:

The WSJ printed "Retailers Head for Exits in Detroit" - another doom and gloom story, reporting among other facts that Detroit hosts not even one big-chain grocery store. But wait! It's ALDI to the rescue. ALDI continues to open stores in Detroit and a spokeswoman for the chain says ALDI is "very bullish" on Detroit. The last ALDI I went into stocked only canned, frozen, and boxed goods, i.e. Dry Goods, and no fresh produce. This article claims Detroit residents will go to farmers markets for fruits and vegetables.

Make sure to look at the companion photo slideshow, titled Detroit's Retail Exodus, featuring some great photos, some of which are reminiscent of the work of Detroit Blog, more on which below. See photo 7 for a glimpse of the indie grocer Family Fair Food Center. I imagine this store carries three different brands of three-ounce tins of Potted Meat. For a hilarious product review of a can of Potted Meat Food Product, see Steve Don't Eat It Vol. 1 at The Sneeze.

CNN printed "Got $100? Welcome to your new Detroit home" - This is an exciting piece about poor artists who get houses almost for free and then renovate them according to greener standards. The photo at the top of this post is a house some artists got for a hundred dollars, before they began renovations.

My sister and I became fascinated with Detroit a few years ago while discussing play-money houses. We had a little "contest" to see who could go on realtor.com and find the cheapest house. Detroit was the winner. You could get a house for a dollar there. What house do you get for a dollar, or a hundred dollars? Probably a house with back taxes or liens owed; a house whose entire plumbing and electrical utilities have been stripped by looters for recycling money; a house likely infested with generations of insects, mold and mammals; and likely a house in a neighborhood that doesn't exactly feel safe, even for those used to being urban pioneers in other cities.

But just think. If enough reasonable people renovated these abandoned houses, the city could flourish in a GM and Ford-free future. In a parallel universe, my sister is living in a renovated solar-paneled bungalow in Detroit. (But it would have to be a distant parallel: for one thing, I don't think she could live any place where the temperature regularly hovers around 10 degrees F. at night for several months out of the winter.)

And finally, a note about the continued vitality of Detroit Blog. In its current state, the blog is a champion of grassroots community and dogged determination, showcasing the barely-noticeable-from-the-street little businesses that continue to serve their neighborhoods. These people do what they do for real good reasons, day in and day out, regardless of what interlopers and jackasses like me write on the internets.

I kind of miss the old, grumpier, alcoholic, abandoned-skyscraper-exploring Detroit Blog. Once the (anonymous) guy began writing his articles for the Detroit Metro Times, he reined things in a bit, and toned down the bitterness. The change in perspective was good, though, as he became a more involved community reporter. The focus is now outward and optimistic, instead of inward and suspicious, and I can only imagine the struggling city is a little bit better for his work. Righteous!

Detroit Blog once did a great run of articles on one of my favorite topics: what happens to the greatest works of mankind when they are abandoned and left to nature. How long does it take for nature to reclaim "civilization"? Of course this question is now answered in a CGI wank-fest on the History channel's Life After Humans series. But Detroit Blog was there first, reporting on trees growing in and on skyscrapers, "urban prairies" where tony neighborhoods once stood, and wild animals living in and around downtown.

For a succinct description of the phenomenon, with some great photos, see Detroit Blog's "Wild Kingdom".

Awesome can of peas

2009-06-18T20:30:00.000-04:00

This Argo label is formidable. Elegant and stark, it hearkens back to sturdier decades, or even simpler centuries.

I can't quite put my finger on why, but when I look at this can I get the feeling that I'm also getting a steak, and a steak knife with it.

70 cents at the IGA store. I'll have to do a contents review later.

Night Lover

2009-06-17T22:27:00.000-04:00

What in the Wide Wide World Of Sports was that sound?

My friend Matt thinks it sounds like a harmonica, but I think it's pedal steel thru a talkbox, ala Pete Drake.

Now we're in some out-of-the-way country. A man's tale of an easy lady whose "love will never stand the light of day." Really, there's a good chance it's just sour grapes or self-flagellation on his part.

But look at that label. Nice hand-drawn melons!

Buying A Car Ukranian Style

2009-06-17T12:54:00.001-04:00

The best album cover I've seen all year. Re-posted from Hawthorne Wingo over at waxidermy.

Chicago Radio Preachers 1998

2009-06-17T01:13:00.000-04:00

In 1998 I taped some AM radio scan sessions on cassettes. I stayed an extra minute at particularly engrossing sounds.

This is a miracle save. I was looking for something else and found this!

This couple is tight. Listen to their style. I have no idea who they are, only that they were broadcast in Chicago in the winter of 1998/99. And that she calls him both "Teacher" and "Prophet".

If you had any doubt that water puts out fire, listen to this flow:

Under Control

2009-06-13T18:26:00.000-04:00

The more you know, the more you know you don't know, you know?

For my inaugural music post, here's an ode to self-deprecating self-confidence.

I think Howard Perkins had it "Under Control".

Quinn-cidence?

2009-06-13T14:05:00.000-04:00

So I told you in my First Blog Post about how I was going to name the blog Striped Light, and then I changed my mind and called it Double Coupon Day.

Well, my friend Quinn told - reminded - me that when he posts on the International Hits Blog, his screen-name is Doubl Q-Pon Deigh.

International Hits is a solid little record label in Atlanta. You can read Doubl Q-Pon Deigh's updates on such singers as Harvey Milk and Cordero. Look at the second post, just below Total Ronnie Obvious's post.

Hold on a second, they're plaing Stone Temple Pilots "Plush" on the radio right now and all the sudden I want to go to the pool. Okay, it passed.

So I've read "Doubl Q-Pon Deigh" before, but I always read it as "Double Q ... Pon Dee." Seriously. As in "Deigh" rhymes with the girl name "Leigh" or the city "Raleigh." Quinn points out that "Deigh" sounds "Day" as in "sleigh" and "weigh."

So now, there are two dudes running around on the internet with the same name, only spelled like one of the dudes is Cajun or something. I swear I didn't try to steal Quinn's handle. I swear, it's great minds that think alike.

Note also, that both of us have, like junior gang members, taken some of the shine from our friend Double B. When Pardner plays, now there's Double B, Double Coupon Day, Doubl Q-Pon Deigh, Hoo-Law and Faceless Drifter.

Incidentally, today is Quinn's birthday. Sa-lut!

...<:::>...

A trip to ALDI

2009-06-11T23:10:00.000-04:00

I went to the super-discount grocery store ALDI this evening. It's kind of like part grocery, part welfare office. There are giant propaganda signs, printed in pleasant colors and put up all around, explaining how you are saving money by bagging your own groceries, and how they have such low overhead. Note, however, that printing giant colored signs and purchasing hanging hardware and hiring labor is all part of the overhead. You see what I mean? That's like when a radio announcer says his station is "LESS TALK." Yeah, well you just talked when you said that. You could've talked even less.

In case you've never been, if you want to get a grocery cart, you need to bring a quarter. The carts are equipped with a locking system, and they're all neatly chained together outside the store. To unlock one, you use your quarter as a key. Stick it in the slot, and it grabs your quarter but you can still see the edge of the quarter poking out of the device. This is important, because it's a reminder: you get your quarter back. When you're done shopping, you lock the cart back up neatly and your quarter pops out, and you go along your merry way. There is a big sign, orange with white lettering and a giant photo of a quarter, explaining that you get your quarter back, and that this system helps keep the carts organized and the parking lot clean.

ALDI's cans of Happy Harvest brand Mixed Vegetables (think Veg-All) are running 62 cents a can here. I was hoping for something like 45 and 59. Regular grocery store brands are running around 75 cents a can, and premium brands, like LeSeur Peas, are running $1.30 and up, just for context. Comparing the 75 cent grocery generic with ALDI's 62 cents, that's 13 cents difference. You, the wind tunnel, better be buying a lot of cans if you're going to really see any savings, especially if you have to drive or take a bus out of your way to get to ALDI. I am now building up a modest Emergency Food Supply, so I will be buying a lot of cans. Of course I don't prefer canned dinner, but there may come a spell when we can't get fresh. Example: gas shortage. Trucks won't drive tomatoes up from Florida; I've got a can of diced tomatoes.

If you want to see a great blog post about ALDI prices, check out Frugal Mom at Everything Alabama:
http://blog.al.com/frugalmom/2008/03/aldi_update.html

Tonight, I only bought about six cans because I showed up at 7:55 and they close at 8:00. I didn't even get a bag, I just threw everything in my trunk.

In spite of what you hear on the TV, times are actually really good right now. We're just into June and my tomato plants are already five feet tall and bearing fruit. Gasoline is plentiful, and we have our choice of stores at which to purchase cans to stock up for the bad times.

./.

Food Depot commercial

2009-06-10T16:12:00.000-04:00

This thing is awesome. Here's a low budget commercial for a regional discount grocery store. The woman singing the jingle at the end must have been an unpaid intern or somebody's relative. I imagine that longstanding favors were cashed in.

You can see from the few YouTube comments that this ad has a small cult following. In my house, my wife calls me in the TV room if I'm not there when this commercial comes on. It is a big deal.

To be clear, I am glad the lady that you hear was chosen to be the singer. I am a fan of individuality, a citizen's open access to the airwaves, and regional accents. You, the wind tunnel, may claim that she is an "amateur" or that the commercial is sloppy. Well, I would rather hear her than most professionals. She gets the job done. Singing "leave on a happy note..." and that is exactly what happens. I leave on a happy note.

From the comments:

mycuriosityshop wrote:

"Start at .024 for the whacked out vocal

"Leave on a happy note, watching your savings grow"....

actually as "performed": le wone uh appie naute watching yur sabings gwow at feuuuud deepoep"

And RandomentalTV weighed in:

it sounds like shes saying

"leap on a happy nut, washing your savings crow at foodie pope"
.
.

First blog post

2009-06-09T13:04:00.000-04:00

Well, I finally did it. I made the blog. I am shouting into a goddamn wind tunnel!

The liberating thing about shouting into a wind tunnel is that you can shout anything you please.

A friend recently lamented that some of our indie CD releases were like more "rain in the ocean". Meaning, difficult to attract attention to one drop, and possibly meaningless.

When I was a child I stood on the edge of a small fishing boat on Lake Oconee and was told "don't piss in the wind." Pissing in the wind is like the evil cousin of "rain in the ocean" - "rain in the ocean" is your existentialist friend who could use some cheering up, maybe a trip to the batting cages. "Pissing in the wind" not only invalidates your purpose, but actually attracts negative attention, covering your clothing with dots of boomeranging urine. Imagine you're standing there in the batting cage, and instead of a baseball, out comes a steaming yellow stream. Or, when you release a CD, and months later the distributor ships back hundreds of unsold, bent, pawed-over copies which threaten to bury you on your front doorstep. I hope this blog is not like that.

Originally I thought about calling this blog "Striped Light" - after one of my favorite Captain Beefheart lyrics. I wanted to use a word in the title that I have a hard time pronouncing, or have had to re-train myself how to pronounce. Ever since a kid, I have said "STRI-pid", using two syllables, sort of like how you say "stupid". I have now re-trained myself to say "stripe'd" in one terse syllable. It's not that I care if you think I sound like a hillbilly, it's that I don't want some minor pronunciation flaw to detract from the great stories I tell. As I regale you, the wind tunnel, with wilde tales of my exploits, keep your ears on the prize, for there is a punch line.

As I kid, for Coupon, I said "kew-pon," while the voice-overs on local TV grocer ads mostly seemed to say "coo-pon." I think my whole family said "kew-pon," as did lots of others. No one way is right, I'm convinced.

To this day when I say "double" people think I'm saying "devil," as in, rhymes with treble. The rub is, I pronounce "trouble" just fine. So - I'm serious - if I am talking to you about a Stevie Ray Vaughan album, I will say "Deble Trouble."

Which brings me to Double Coupon Day. A most exciting day. I can certainly pronounce "day." But before I get to "day" I will come at you like a feral, sideways hillbilly with the DEBLE KEWPON, approaching the automatic doors with ragged envelopes bursting at the seams with my clippings and printouts. I am ready to do this blog. I call that a Bargain. The best. I ever. Had.